i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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