you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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