Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
