if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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