you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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