I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
