A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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