You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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