did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
