They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
