Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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