Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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