I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
