Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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