Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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