Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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