We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
