Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
