At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
