A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
