Me too!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
