I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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