when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
