After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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