Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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