Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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