a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I love you. Go after that dick
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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