How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She said her name was "party"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh god it's open bar.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
