Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
