She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
