I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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