Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
