my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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