I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
