David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
