Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
