i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
40s are totally the cure
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
