Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
MIDGETS
????
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
