woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize