I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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