my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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