my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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