Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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