Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
