Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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