I love black thongs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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