I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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