Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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