Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
