I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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