Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
