id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
