Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
