Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
