Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
