LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
