I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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