My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My bed smells like the plague
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
