If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
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