Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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