Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
