Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
