Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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