I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
