I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
