I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
