we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
