Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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