also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
