Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
