You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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