i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
