Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
