Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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